They have five things in common.
Over the years, I have worked with a number of people who have survived narcissistic abuse. All of them have been subjected to sophisticated manipulation, disrespectful treatment, and conditional "love." The longer it lasts, the stronger the aftermath. And even infected people who have recovered still show certain behaviors.
The goal of narcissists is to weaken their victims to make them behave in a way that does nothing for them, to lighten their gas, to make them think they are going crazy, and to make them lose their self-confidence. Are also eliminating the feeling. In order to survive, the victims had to develop an attitude that kept them as safe and sensible as possible, and that is the attitude that stays with them even after they have escaped narcissism.
I was abused by my mother, who also formed a dysfunctional family, and it took me decades to understand what was happening and some unhelpful behavior.
Are you a victim? Do you know any victims? You can identify the following five attitudes that easily invite abuse.
1. You do anything for kindness.
As a victim, you have lost kindness and are now longing for it. Kindness in any form is welcome, but it also needs to be rewarded. When someone is kind to you, it makes you happy, but it also makes you think you need to have sex, work, or be kind. It seems unnatural to get it without paying a favor because you have been brainwashed by your narcissist from the point of view of "something for something." Narcissists will never be kind to anyone unless there is an exchange.
The article continues after the ad.
It can be hard for you to understand true kindness, the kind that doesn't need to be compensated, and it makes you feel like you're on the receiving end.
When someone was teasing me and complimenting me, I was always nervous because I couldn't take it for granted. To me, this meant that I was expected to return "kindness" by offering sexual favors.
2. You always meet the needs of others.
Living with a narcissist has taught you to be sensitive to the needs of other people, especially your narcissists. And respond quickly to these needs. On autopilot To survive, This behavior usually continues. You look at someone's needs and act to help them. Sometimes you have already solved a problem before they understand it.
It is not uncommon for you to have an unpleasant reaction when you help someone because you can come in very strongly like an intruder.
I was on a constant mission to help negative people look positive. They were presenting ideas, acting, thinking things on their behalf. They did not want me to change their minds just to understand that I needed to change them.
3. "It's my fault - I must have done something wrong."
Accusing and being accused of anything that your narcissist did not know has led to a default mental state where your first thought is: "Where I failed, I did. What's wrong? "You immediately feel responsible for what is happening - even if it has nothing to do with you.
The article continues after the ad.
Because you are offering to make an accusation, people can take you on it, and you will end up in a circumstance where you are charging, and you can hope to determine an issue that steers clear of you.
Whenever things went wrong or didn't go according to plan, I needed to "fix it" right away. I began to edit or find a solution, even if, at first, this situation had nothing to do with me.
4. "I'm working hard, putting all my energy into what I'm doing."
Expecting to be trained by your narcissist and offering your time, energy, and resources according to them at any time has made you a person who is accustomed to trying. It is very difficult for you to do nothing and it is easy for you to be busy, to work. Mostly for others, not for yourself.
You're welcome to any committee or group of moderators because you seem to be doing a great job.
My work ethic is very high. I never give up, I keep moving, and it's not an endeavor. That's what I do. It pays off when I do a lot, and it's a positive payment for my childhood "training."
5. "I struggle with boundaries."
Limits are the result of stepping into your power and meeting your needs. This is a new area for drug abuse victims. As your confidence wears off, so makes your sense of power. Just as your self-esteem is damaged, so is your self-awareness. You were not allowed to do this
It's easy for others (ab) to use you when you're not clear on what is acceptable or not.
It took me many time to acknowledge my integrity and what I needed to be happy—and setting limits so that I may respect that value. Making a relationship with love and respect has made all the difference. Now in my coaching, I help clients to heal from narcissistic abuse or build a BFF (best friend forever) relationship.
These common behaviors are the remnants of an abominable relationship. Unfortunately, if left unchecked, they can easily attract other abusers or abusive situations.
Apply these behaviors to yourself? Address them individually or one by one, either by yourself or with the help of a professional.